I was thinking today about how much my grandmother, Kathaleen Coughlan, and El Costa would have appreciated one another. My grandmother started her own private preschool and kindergarten, Coughlan Country Day School, in the 1940’s and El founded Breakwater in the 1950’s. They had a lot in common.
Both created a school out of a tragedy. My grandfather died unexpectedly, leaving my grandmother widowed with four very young children. She created a school in her house as a way to have an income and take care of her own children at the same time. For El Costa, her son was gravely ill with viral meningitis and she prayed and made a promise that if her son was spared, she would dedicate her life to children. Her son recovered (somewhat miraculously) and she followed through on her promise and founded Breakwater.
Both knew that community was everything. I remember telling my grandmother about a college course I took which after reading densely annotated academic books, studying scientific papers with complex data tables, and listening to hours of lecture the professor concluded that what most sets a child up for being resilient and successful in life is having good relationships. My grandmother listened patiently and essentially quietly patted me on the head and said, “Good boy, you are getting it.” When I came to Breakwater 15 years ago and first met El Costa I asked her the question I asked everyone: “What is the essence of Breakwater?” As a new leader of Breakwater, I wanted to make sure I understood what was most precious and vital. Lots of people I asked struggled to articulate an answer to that question. El did not hesitate with her answer, “Love- that’s what it begins with--everything else grows from there.” She said it with the same patient air as my grandmother. I swear I felt her pat me on the head, even though she had not. They both knew how important human connection was as the foundation of all learning and human growth. They both also lived it genuinely.
I know the Breakwater community remains strong and vital (if somewhat dormant right now) and wonder what El and my grandmother would make of this pandemic and how they might ensure that human connections remained strong and vital. How would they promote relationships between parents and the school at a time when the campus is closed off? What would they do to foster the friendships between children who must wear masks and stay distanced? What would they do to support teachers who shoulder so much while remaining lovingly present with their students? I can’t help but to wish at times that I had their strength, wisdom, and ability to love so deeply. I miss them both.
As we enter a season of holidays, I hope you each can find a moment, at least one, to connect a little deeper to those that you love and who love you. It all starts from there.
